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How Does Self-love Work?

Updated: Jan 27, 2022

What are up ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and all beautiful creatures out there?

In this rather short blog, I wanted to talk about the one thing that spins the world around. Love. The reason for creating life as well as destruction. The reason for peace and war. We can find love everywhere. We can love someone, we can love something, we can love a certain activity or a feeling. But the one thing I really want to highlight today is the love towards ourselves.

When we love someone, let`s say our kids, for instance, we want what is best for them. We make sure they have warm clothes in the winter and comfortable ones for the summer. We make sure they have everything they need for school. We make sure they have toys to play with and books to read. We ultimately make sure that their needs are met.

Why do we do that? Well, we love them and want what is best for them. However, that implies sometimes doing stuff that is not necessarily to feel good to them. Maybe they don’t want to brush their teeth, or they want to watch TV late at night. Maybe they want to play video games, instead of doing their homework, or want to keep playing, wet and cold, while is raining outside.

What do we normally do in these situations? We usually set boundaries. We just stop them from doing what is wrong or sometimes force them to do what is right. We stay there until they brush their teeth or call them inside when they should be out no more. We don’t allow the TV to be on after a certain hour at night or make a deal: homework done for an hour of video gameplay.

Do we do those harsh stuff to our kids because we want them to feel bad? I really don’t think so. We make them go through those unpleasant experiences because we love them and know deep inside, that they are necessary for their healthy growth.

Let me share with you how I was raised, when it comes to possessions, in case you are interested.

I have the fortune to come from a family with resources if I can call it this way. In other words, they could provide me with whatever I needed. Expensive clothes, all kinds of tech. The latest phones, the best games, etc… You get the point. They could also give me any time, as much money as I possibly wanted. But did they?

Sometimes I felt like they don’t love me. I felt like they are too harsh on me. I always felt like my friends had better stuff than me, and most of the time, to be honest, they did. My friends also had more money for school than I did. They were given every day different amount.

Me, I had only what I needed. Not what I wanted, but what I needed. If I need a computer, I would have a decent one that does the job. If I needed clothes, I would have a good quality one, but if I really don’t have enough. I would have another phone, only if my current one doesn’t work properly and can’t be fixed. I was given the same amount of money (usually less than my friend of course) every Monday. That was it. My dad said: If you want to have enough until Friday, you will save them. You will learn to manage what you have.

Of course, for a child, those things were not pleasant. But boy, am I grateful that my parents were like that. Now I do know the importance and value of money, or possessions.

What I mean by sharing this is that those sufferings thought me lessons that I probably wouldn’t have ever learned. They shape me into a better person and to appreciate the value of unpleasant suffering. My parents did love me and knew that if I have some unpleasant experiences, my life would be better.

The ultimate point that I am trying to make is that we do need to struggle in our life. Every struggle, and obstacle we overcome, comes with a new lesson and a stronger us. And here lies the problem. Are you ready?

Do we love ourselves.? How do we love ourselves? We are thought that we should love ourselves in a way that we seek pleasure. To seek what feels good, now. It feels good and easy to eat frozen pizza as opposed to cooking a meal. It is easy and feels good to use the car instead of walking for 10 minutes. it feels good and easy to blame the genetics for the diabetes type 2 we have, instead of reducing the sugar intake. It feels easy to take anti-inflammatory pills for pain relief, as opposed to eating less inflammatory food and learning to move correctly.

We think that loving ourselves means to feel good and we know it is not true. We apply the right type of love to our kids, but for some reason, we think it doesn’t work for our bodies. We force our kids to eat vegetables and not many sweets, but for some reason, instead of veggies, we eat chocolate dessert. We force our kids to go and do sports, be active, play outside, and dance. But for some reason, we find excuses to go to the store by car instead of walking. We say we are too busy to go for a walk or a hike.

We must put ourselves into uncomfortable positions. We must force sometimes stuff that is good for our body. We must eat better food and we know it. We must be more active, and we know it. And we also know that we are the only people that can force that.

We are full of love creatures. We love each other, we love our kids, we love our partners.

But, do we love ourselves the right way?

Check out Episode 14 of Fit Life Radio to learn more about self-love and the power of struggles.


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